So 2008 is done - it's been a blur of a year; two weddings (both to the same person :) ) to start of with, and a baby at the end. How typical. Then again, I thrive with typical. It's what makes the world sane. It's what makes me sane, in a somewhat insane world. Many have told me how 2008 has been one of the toughest year for them. Perhaps I didn't really realise it because I've had so much change happen in my life, I haven't had time to dissect it into pieces. Maybe that is a good thing.

What I do know is this - 2009 is a year for just being. In the moment, with my loved ones, appreciating the beauty that surrounds us (amidst all the chaos). And wishing for some peace - for the world, for my inner sanctuary for the times when I won't know how to deal with tricky situations with Junior Burger.

So for now, a happy & chilled new year to all of you - take a deep breath, open your eyes and live consciously.

Everything is going to be okay

"Everything is going to be okay."

That's what I was whispering in my son's ear as I was trying to calm him down at his usual 'unsettled' period this evening. True enough, after 15 minutes of unconsolable crying, he calmed down and is now happily snoozing on my beloved's chest. What a great chest that is, he's had (and will have) many a good sleeps there. My beloved has taken to call our son Junior Burger, and it's stuck.

As I venture into the new year, I am me, but not quite me... I am now a mother and I am responsible for someone. There are many times during the day when I flit between extreme joy and anticipation to what lays ahead for my new family and an anxious fear of what I do not know, am yet to know. I wonder if I'll be a good parent, whether I'll still be there for my friends, be the lover and friend my husband and I were before. The answer to all the above is probably yes and no. Possibly the scariest thing for me is that life as I know it no longer looks the same; nor does it hold the same appeal. Yet, I don't quite know how to move forward. And then I realise... the whole point is that I don't know. That this is a journey I've never experienced before. And I should just surrender...

See you in the new year - be safe, be well. Much love xxx

I know I'm in love

So our bundle of joy is finally here... and all I can say is, he is amazing. As my beloved said, the perfect specimen. We love him to bits already and he hasn't even done anything other than feed, poo, wee, cry and sleep.

I also know I'm definitely in mama-love mode when I'm up at 5am in the morning examining his poo and feeling like a deliriously happy woman the fact that it's nice & runny. Too much information? Alright then... :) :)

I wish I could record every single second of this happening, but all I have are my memories and hopefully many more to come!

The oddest mix-up of words this morning between my beloved and I (discussing the poo) -

"Woo and pee"....? (we meant poo & wee, but it was early and we are new parents, speech dialogue was not high on the agenda).

Oh baby, where art thou?

Six days and counting. We can't wait to meet you. But when you're ready...

Love, Mama xx

I'm back!!!

I don't really know where to start. This is my third blog. Still the same person, although a somewhat fickle (and currently fat) one. Reason for change? Global economic downturn, plus I wasn't doing much in way of writing. Yes, I am a tight arse also :) What to do? All I think about now is how many nappies I can buy with $11.92 instead of keeping a blog that I don't even write on anymore.

So much has happened this year, mainly growing this baby in my tummy and watching my body change and become someone else's. Or at least that's how I feel sometimes. I've stopped going to work, because I can't be arsed walking to work. I do some work at home when I wake up (no need to set the alarm, yay!) and take a nap in the afternoon (midwife's order, double yay!). Spanish people got it so right with their siestas. It's so good for the soul & the body. And slightly indulgent, but hey, I didn't put on 15kg for nothing!

I'm generally very excited, even the thought of going through labour is something I'm beginning to embrace (or maybe this baby is so darn heavy and feeling like peeing all the time has worn me out). I can't wait to see the first wiggle, the first frown, smile... everything. Bring on the sleepless nights and 2 hours feeds. I already know how sleepless nights are, so it can't be so bad.

Current obsessions: knitting, listening to Evie Pts. 1, 2, 3 (by the Wrights)

I haven’t gone clothes shopping for a long while. It seems that everything out there these days are expensive and mediocre. Anything that is nice is way out of my league, price wise – maybe that’s why I’m subconsciously knitting furiously and teaching myself new techniques, in hope that one day I can knit and sew my own clothes.

My wardrobe is full of black – I hear this echo across all women in Melbourne, I think. It’s the most versatile colour, you never really get fat days out of them. In other words, safe! To appease my WILD side (and I use that term very loosely), I buy colourful shoes. It’s really quite weird, this obsession I have with them. I think it’s because I think it covers a small part of my body, hence I can be as loud as I want to be. In truth though, the shoe doest maketh the woman. Or at least it says a lot about the woman – I wonder what my shoes say about me?

A couple of things

Scarf [almost] en route to London
So this is finally done – it was actually done shortly after I arrived home from KL. Yes, I did not manage to give to my friend on time, but I reckon any weather in London during the year, with the exception of some days, would be a worthy scarf day.

So without further a due… actually, he’s moving soon, so I can’t actually send it to him yet. Damn!

Mittens
I made these for fun, with excess lolly-pop colour wool (actually it’s acrylic). It’s the simplest gloves ever, hence the name ‘Cheats fingerless gloves’. I stumbled this upon http://ohmystars.net. She’s a pretty cool chick, and I love her website design which she made herself. Oh my… guess what I’ll be wearing this winter.

Swatches
Knitted a swatch for a cape I’m going to be doing soon when I can stop procrastinating and buy enough wool in the same colour as the ones I got from Xmas. I guess beneath it all, I’m slightly apprehensive. It’s going to be my first big project and so many doubts. What if it doesn’t turn out like the picture? What if I fuck up? Actually… when I fuck up. What if I get bored halfway and never finish it? What if what if what if? Someone stab me with their double pointed, quick!

Dumbass!
I bought a pair of 5mm 80cm circular needles a while ago, and finally gave it a whirl. Foolishly, I thought it was going to be pretty much the same as using ordinary needles. How long do you think it took me to realize that I wasn’t knitting in a round? WELL!... obviously not soon enough, because I was at least 10 rows in before I surrendered to the inevitable – I was a dumbass.

I’ve moved on since… but to all circular virgin knitters, read up on circular knitting first AND actually pay attention. I think it’s just me. Argh!

The city
Melbourne is a beautiful city. Everytime I walk its streets, I’m grateful to be where I am. It’s a friendly city, most people are polite. We have wonderful lanes filled with coffee-heaven smells, grungy and artistic works grace any (legal) walls and we have aesthetically well-preserved architure. Oh, let’s not forget the food – it’s endless variety any day of the week. It’s been a while since my beloved and I just walked around for fun (the city is our playground), not looking for anything to buy or any chores to do. We just walked around, checked out the people and new shops – what’s been, what is, what will be. It’s ever evolving and it’s fascinating! My mind is so full of colours, smells & texture that I can’t wait to have a moment to put some down on paper.