The piece we call marriage...

http://whoshouldimarry.blogspot.com

My friend Melissa (surprise! surprise!) wrote the above, and Mel, I just have to say “I hear you”! It is such a juicy topic (and much as many girls/women/friends) hate to admit it, have had a huge discussion about it once/twice/thrice in all their mid-20-something years.

First of all, I applaud Mel’s mum for asking her the “hard” question. Yes, the question of marriage in the 21st century has become the ‘sex’ taboo of the previous century. Everyone poo-poos about it, and usually it’s the three schools of thoughts. Those who believe in it, those who don’t, and those who think they don’t. I am all three. I would also like to add that my mother doesn’t know how to operate a computer, so thank god for that! She will never read this piece I am about to write.

Being brought up to believe I can achieve/have anything I want in life (thanks ma & pa), I myself don’t believe that marriage is the institution of exclusivity, nor is it the institution that is the be-all and end-all of your life. Those who do believe a hundred per cent in marriage, please stop reading now. I do not mean to offend, but since it is my blog, you can choose to bugger off.

First of all, marriage is a union of two great people who happen to decide (for the moment) they want to be together for possibly the rest of their lives. What happens if seventeen years (or seventeen months) down the track, you realised you’ve made a real boo-boo? Get divorced, I hear some people say! If I don’t believe so much in marriage, I definitely don’t believe in divorce. It’s a cop-out, an easy solution, an option. So you see, I have painted myself into a corner. It’s a catch-26.

If I had to point a finger at the ultimate root of my dilemma, it is the ability to choose. Peers of our generation (plus/minus a couple) have the choice. And I am all for choice. Only not for myself. If I was to be married, I have to know that that is forever. But what is forever? A close friend once said to me in anger that “You never know how long forever is”. And I have never used that word to anybody since. I don’t intend to. And then there is the idea of “the man of your dreams”. You know what though… the dream is in your head. The person you sleep next to every night can be the dream, if you choose him/her to be. So, that’s one problem solved. I can hear the ones reading this now “Where did she get off being so cynical?”. The question you should be asking is “How does she know I’m thinking this?”. Actually, I don’t – just being a smart arse.

Truth is, I am hopeful! I am hopeful there is going to be a day when I wake up and realise that I love the man next to me enough to know I want to spend a lot of my life with him. And I have people in my life everyday to tell me that I will find that one day. Both of my sisters, different as night and day have wonderful husbands. One found hers early in her 20s (though she always thought she might never get married), the other rummaged for a bit, and found hers too. I am patiently waiting for my turn. The point is to stop looking! Because if you always look ahead, you always miss the great ones right in front of you.

I refuse to be told my biological clock will start ticking soon, that I am to be compared to a use-by tinned pineapple. I also refuse to be pigeon-holed by married women who look at the single ones and have the you-poor-thing-you-aren’t-married look. Whilst saying this, I also have many, many wonderful married friends (who are so sane, and so right!!! Which is so contradictory, considering where I’m coming from). I sound sooooo Sex and the City-esque (sorry!!!!). Having someone to share your life with is double the fun, but fun all by yourself is good fun too. And not to mention great friends. So don’t despair, my beautiful friends – the next time your mothers come up to you and harass you about getting married, tell them you can’t help it that you haven’t made up your mind yet.