You cannot win this race called parenthood. Especially if you are a mother. Actually, I wouldn't know it in any other person's shoe. Actually, I should just get to the point instead of digressing (as I always do, and make this log twice as long!).
Going back to work four days a week has been... enlightening. On one hand, I have all this headspace, and although I do still only sleep around 6 hours on a daily basis, I'm functioning alot happier. It's not that I wasn't happy before. Having Liam is by far one of my happiest days, but also full of doubts and fears, compounded by lack of sleep. Hence, a complete and total wreck on bad days, and slightly neurotic on better ones.
On the other hand, I've missed him terribly, and each day, I feel he is getting more independent. YES YES! I've been whining forever that I can't wait for him to be more independent. THIS is my conundrum. I know it is part of his development, and that it is fantastic. But somehow, my heart is two steps behind. And much as my brain tells it to catch up, I'm still stuck two steps behind. It's frustrating. Very much so. Because perhaps I'm hindering his development by subconsciously wanting him to rely on me still. Oh, the dilemma!
Mother's guilt, they call it. Damn if you do, damn if you don't.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment